I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
