Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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