I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
