people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
