Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
