Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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