i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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