you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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