Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
