This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize