I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
