so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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