How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
