I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
