so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize