You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
