singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
