Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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