its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
