I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
