I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
