My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
