I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
