i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
