2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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