Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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