you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
