I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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