I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
