THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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