I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
