you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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