I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
