sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
