I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
