no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
