If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So squirting runs in the family.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
