a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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