walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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