you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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