If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
