I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
