Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
