Someone shit on the floor
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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