So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
