What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
