Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
