Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pappa wants mamma naked
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
