Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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