I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
