I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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