going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
BRING THE BAGELS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize