seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
