just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my shit smells like andre
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize