Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
