I cockslap morals
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
