Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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