There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
