Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
