wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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