i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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