You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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