Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
