wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
