What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
