Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
