I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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