I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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