I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm both gender and math confused
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
