I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
