My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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