I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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