But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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