In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
