yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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