i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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