you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
