you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
