I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
