we have officially lost it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
