If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
