Swine flu. Run for my life!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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