frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
third nipple confirmed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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