Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
