We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think your dad took our porno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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