Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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