i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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