chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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