I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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