I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
