I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
