Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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