Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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