Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
