College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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