i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
