Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
